For those of us who believe they feed on creativity and the need to produce only through that seed, you will suffer. Starting something, weather it is a story, a painting or a piece of music, is not that difficult in my opinion . It is that moment before you write your first word , or apply your first brush stroke to that white blank canvas or paper. But when you do work out the nerve to do that , it becomes fun and rather euphoric.
Finishing however is the ultimate test. It is excruciatingly difficult. You are faced with doubt brought down by boredom. Working on something for too long can lead to boredom, that boredom creates doubt and fear. What if this piece is no good? I have lost my euphoric moments. I cannot see this as I used to before . You feel the need to either press the delete button or tear your canvas apart.
This process , I have found, applies to relashionships as well. Working out the nerve to start a relashionship with some one is always a risk most of us are afraid to take, but when we do it is an amazing feeling. We experience butterflies and excitement all over. Then with time we get to know each other really well and ofcourse the butterflies fade away. Boredom happens! We run out of things to say...and we are faced with the finishing part. How do I finish this? Do we get married , have children ...etc. ? What if he's not the one? Do we leave each other now? A lot of us choose not to face this part for a while and just escape . Instead of pressing the delete button I will save it and finish it later, I will Put the canvas away now and get back to it later., I will go on with this relashionship now and see where it takes me. This fear of finishing what we started, this cancerous fear , that makes us sart so many things and leave them unfinished, or stay in a relashionship for so long until it either self distructs with one person requesting to tie the knot and the other refusing, or getting married out of fear of leaving all these years of a relashionship and things ending in a disastrous divorce.
But What if I finish the written piece and it is published , and what if my painting is sold, and what if my marriage works and I am a happy person with two great kids.
These are just random thoughts really and I honestly don't know what should be done. I'm not even sure I can compare finishing a painting to getting married! If I finish a painting and show it to the public and it is reviewed badly...perhaps that cannot be compared to getting a divorce. In a divorce there are two people involved. But wait a minute...in a story there is the publisher and the author. In a movie, a director and a producer. They're both codependant on one another. Perhaps I cannot compare procrastination to cold feet or falling out of love. But I have come to believe that fear has a double edge. It instills in us this doubt that either makes us believe we have come to realize that this is just a stupid idea for a story and it is better off deleted or we could end up deleting something really worth while and only find out later when someone perhaps writes a similar story line and publishes it and low and behold ...it is a success. Or when your ex gets married and you realize that perhaps you've done the biggest mistake of your life in letting that person go.
Finishing however is the ultimate test. It is excruciatingly difficult. You are faced with doubt brought down by boredom. Working on something for too long can lead to boredom, that boredom creates doubt and fear. What if this piece is no good? I have lost my euphoric moments. I cannot see this as I used to before . You feel the need to either press the delete button or tear your canvas apart.
This process , I have found, applies to relashionships as well. Working out the nerve to start a relashionship with some one is always a risk most of us are afraid to take, but when we do it is an amazing feeling. We experience butterflies and excitement all over. Then with time we get to know each other really well and ofcourse the butterflies fade away. Boredom happens! We run out of things to say...and we are faced with the finishing part. How do I finish this? Do we get married , have children ...etc. ? What if he's not the one? Do we leave each other now? A lot of us choose not to face this part for a while and just escape . Instead of pressing the delete button I will save it and finish it later, I will Put the canvas away now and get back to it later., I will go on with this relashionship now and see where it takes me. This fear of finishing what we started, this cancerous fear , that makes us sart so many things and leave them unfinished, or stay in a relashionship for so long until it either self distructs with one person requesting to tie the knot and the other refusing, or getting married out of fear of leaving all these years of a relashionship and things ending in a disastrous divorce.
But What if I finish the written piece and it is published , and what if my painting is sold, and what if my marriage works and I am a happy person with two great kids.
These are just random thoughts really and I honestly don't know what should be done. I'm not even sure I can compare finishing a painting to getting married! If I finish a painting and show it to the public and it is reviewed badly...perhaps that cannot be compared to getting a divorce. In a divorce there are two people involved. But wait a minute...in a story there is the publisher and the author. In a movie, a director and a producer. They're both codependant on one another. Perhaps I cannot compare procrastination to cold feet or falling out of love. But I have come to believe that fear has a double edge. It instills in us this doubt that either makes us believe we have come to realize that this is just a stupid idea for a story and it is better off deleted or we could end up deleting something really worth while and only find out later when someone perhaps writes a similar story line and publishes it and low and behold ...it is a success. Or when your ex gets married and you realize that perhaps you've done the biggest mistake of your life in letting that person go.
